I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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