I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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