I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
