thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
