I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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