Apparently you make a good broom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
