your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
