Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
