Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
