watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
