I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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