She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
