he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
