it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
