you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
