I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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