matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
