I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
