I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
