He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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