I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
