fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize