Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
50% drunk capacity currently
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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