apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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