I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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