We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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