I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize