Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
