An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
