Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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