We're facebook friends in real life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
