just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
