she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
