between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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