i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
