i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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