Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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