There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
