He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I did not marry a roomba.
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