I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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