Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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