This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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