I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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