Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
