i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
