She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
