This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
