yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
