Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He passed out mid-signature
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
