wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
