and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
