hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
