Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
