we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
