Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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