just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize