Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
