my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
