have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
