dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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