It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
