I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
