you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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