elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
