i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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