I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
