yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Randomize