you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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