We won't sleep together?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
