not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So. Much. Porn.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
