Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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