he puts the penis in happiness.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
