I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
