Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
