I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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