I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
