shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
