I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
