I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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