I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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