I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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