what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize