the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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