forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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