3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
where are you?
Hypothermia
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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