We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to make a zoo with you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
