Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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