so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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