So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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