Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
