Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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