And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you didnt know i had herpes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
