also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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