were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
