i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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