The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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